Letting go of my babies, to the outside world anyway.

My Mam played me an Abba song recently called “Slipping through my fingers”. I never watched Mamma Mia, hence I haven’t been privy to its revival in recent years but this song sucker punched me. The moment as I lay on the bed bedside my Mother, listening to this song, as we both got caught up in the emotion, has me welling up even now as I think back, as much as I did on the bed that day.

“School bag in hand,she leaves home in the early morning”. 

Pre-school began in September for the twins and as we enter the second term they are now confident going into school. Running from the car to the door, a vast change from the teary eyed pleas not to leave.  School dramas still occur from time to time but my kids have grown up and I am happy they look forward to their day now. It literally feels like in the blink of an eye they have grown up and once again I am wondering where the last three and a half years have gone.

How do I nearly have two four-year olds?

The last remnants of babies remain, but their pleas to take the sides of the cot-beds down and have big boy and girl beds, I am afraid can no longer fall on deaf ears. I need to be happy that we have lasted to this age and have not heard that thud of a child climbing over the rails in the middle of the night. When those sides go down, however,that is it. Yes it probably is the end of sleep, as little as we get of it, that we know it! But mentally in my head whilst they will always be our babies, that last little link to their lives so far, is packed away, like the long forgotten bag of new-born clothes, that I couldn’t bear to throw out.

We have gone through all the stages. From new-born to moocher,crawler to walker, non-buggy passenger to rein walker , hand-holder to bolt away. We said good-bye to boob,milk, bottles and sippy-cups. The buggy still remains in our house but has had approximately ten outings in 2017. Nappies were waved out the door at two years eleven months and are definitely not missed!  This Christmas saw the twins give their dodees ( soothers) up, well it’s work in progress ,they re-appear on their pillows at night and eventually will disappear! Their play-pen came down, this remained more in place to keep in the avalanche of toys in that part of the room! And one “baby” thing remains and that is the cot-beds still have the sides up.  Set aside as I have mentioned the era of the let’s go into Mammy and Daddy’s bed every night once those sides come down, sentimental being that I am, this final piece from their “babyhood” going has me a bit teary.

Their lives are moving so fast, I want it to momentarily freeze, I want us all to hide-away back in that Christmas bubble. Time was our own. Lie-ins were had, fights happened too, as is standard, but we were all together in that little bubble. The four of us, like the early days, but this time confined indoors from weather, sickness and just winding down after a busy year, enjoying the time out  . And it brings me right back to this verse from the Abba song.

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake I let precious time go by
Then when she’s gone, there’s that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can’t deny

The rush of life is back, but moments are precious. I’ll play that last game of Lego and have that last little snuggle on the couch with the twins before we allow the day to separate us.

Soon my babies will be four, and I really will have to stop calling them my babies, to the outside world anyway, for like any parent says, they will always be my babies.

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