Leaving your twins behind in NICU.

Today is the 24th of July 2019 and five years now since our twins left the NICU unit and we were finally reunited at home. What a five years it has been, full of love, laughter, tears( what five year olds don’t occasionally butt heads) but most of all a overwhelming feeling of contentment and happiness. I don’t know does the worry ever fully leave after nearly losing them during my pregnancy, being born at thirty five weeks and having a stay in NICU which a few days in took a frightening turn but thankfully all was ok in the end. But today looking back at this day five years ago when my daughter came home and the twins were finally reunited ,it was out first day on our own in our own home and I will never forget the look we both shared as we stared down at these tiny babies. We were completely and utterly in love with them but petrified like all new parents are. We were solely in charge of raising two tiny babies, moulding them ,encouraging them,building them up and having lots of adventures along the way. I wrote earlier in the week about the age of five and it really is a coming of age to the world of “kid” . Those five pounder babies have done a huge amount of growing up over since this picture was taken. The fear that bubbled away inside is a-lot dimmer now, it does knock every once in awhile, it might make things seem a little worse than they are, but I do feel that is a side affect from the worry and stress from the preemie days.

That feeling is easier to dampen down these days, to silence, because looking at our two healthy and happy children playing together side by side reminds me how lucky I am to be their Mam. Life is precious and fragile, every day is a gift not a given and we will make the most of every second we have together xx


I wanted to be with them, needed to be with them, to hold them ,feed them ,tell them I was their Mammy .

But I couldn’t , my husband was with them in NICU , I knew he was minding them for me, I desperately wanted to go to them but I had to rest after a C-section delivery. I tried to get out of my hospital bed several times as soon as I was out of recovery post delivery, to somehow manoeuver myself out of it, but the pain was nothing like I had ever experienced before. Whoever said C-Sections were an easier birth obviously never had one, I’ve written about my feelings about birth here. Soon enough the overwhelming need to see my babies, my teeny little newborn son and daughter and the want deep down to be with them,such already was the loneliness deep within my empty…

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